As They Lay Dying - Part Three 

    Figuring things out through great literature. Possible? 

    When we have problems in our real lives, can we derive answers and solutions from works of fiction and artists who have dealt with such issues in their stories, characters, plots, themes, emotions, messages?

    Maybe. William Faulkner wrote a book that I had to read about a matriarch who died and the aftermath of those connected to her. I read it in 1989. Here in 2023 I am sitting on questions regarding persons of my current and former family. Things went in weird and/or painful ways since the illness and death of Doris (name changed), who lived a really good life worth celebrating. I was her step-son. To some, step-children are not readily brought in or considered a true part of the family connection as original or biological parents and children. Sure, that is a consideration. The modern blended families are not the same as yesteryear, yet families and emotional and social links are verisimilar to times and peoples of all ages.

    I write these things not to cause further pain, confusion, strife, or animosity, but possibly to shed light on my family, our situation, myself and others, to potentially understand what has happened in the wake of Doris, who left this mortal realm in 2021. Less than two years after her original terminal diagnosis, we are still picking up the pieces, it might be said.

    We all have points of view, perhaps similar to what the difficult "yet great" novelist William Faulkner wrote of: love, identity, family, health, anger, etcetera.

    So, I build up the characters from my point of view... Trying to keep this anonymous but somewhat accurate.

    Faulkner used 15 characters from their own standpoints during the burial of their mother. I cannot pretend to do that, to get into all their heads. I will share what I understand. This is not fiction, but it involves conjecture. Could this fiction of the past by one author help us understand things better?

    Maybe. Perhaps not appropriate at all. But, I am left in a real-world lurch about these things, and I am trying to piece them out.

    Grandchild #1 - The oldest of Doris' grandchildren, she is a divorced mom with a small child of her own, making Doris a great-grandmother. She is usually soft-spoken; I have never detected much anger or venom from her. As Doris was dealing with the original weeks and then months of the terminal diagnosis in the spring of 2021, my father would update Doris' two children and the other three stepchildren through emails regarding her status. I, as the youngest stepchild, (again, a teenager when my father married Doris 33 years before), regarded the emails as a decent effort to keep all of us abreast of Doris' condition. I was surprised to see an email reply to my father addressed in a rather crude or harsh way, saying, more or less, "we are not interested in these emails about you." As in, she implied that these updates were about my dad, not Doris. This accusation or suggestion confused me. I can understand that a lot of people may not be pleased with my dad and how he communicates, but I thought that the kids or even grandkids would appreciate news about her.

    Apparently not. It seemed to have upset the grandchild, who spoke for her parents as well, according to her email. 

    There could be some things that I was missing in these emotional missives. I was told many other emails went back and forth, many of them "nasty", or mean. Maybe so. There was later interaction with the emails, which eventually Doris saw herself, according to a source that may be reliable. Or not. She is gone now; she cannot speak for those turbulent times. Turbulent, yet there were good things while she lived. From my perspective. Perhaps is the last thing that she would want to discuss or think about. But for me, I am still wrapping my head around the circumstances.

    Grandchild # 2 - A nice guy, always. As all the grandchildren have been, as I always observed. He lived a few hours away from the main core of Doris' children, who lived pretty easy driving distance from Doris in southern Indiana. Unlike the first grandchild, #2 seemed to stay out of the parts of the family that was closer by. I am not aware of any involvement of animosity between the parties with him. This would be surprising to me. Of course, there were a few surprises to a few of this event of sickness of the mutual loved one and the subsequent death.

    Grandchild # 3 - This grand-daughter, who lived in and around Indianapolis, seemed to be closer to my dad's sympathies, which seemed to be manifested after the funeral when communicating with him, and showing some more efforts to console him with the death of Doris. Part of the confusion of the whole entanglement of my dad in 2021 and since, the longtime husband losing his wife, both well in their 80s after 34 years of happy marriage, versus the children and their spouses living close by who grew to have hard feelings against the step-dad. I suppose he may have provoked or escalated the hard feelings, and communications, but there has been a lot of he said/they said that has been difficult to decipher.

    Thus, my writing and making conjecture of this whole situation. I am trying to arrive at the truth, perhaps find some answers, get some lessons learned, and maybe foster some reconciliation. 

    I do not want to continue the bickering and accusations, blame and guilt.

    Grandchild # 4 - A child of the daughter of Doris who moved the farthest away, for the step-grandkids. She may or may not have been part of the poor communications when Doris was sick and dying, at and around the funeral, but she later posted on social media some rather harsh feelings and words against my dad, based on the squabbles and exchanges that had occurred between him and his step-children and at least one step-grandchild, aforementioned.

    I know this may seem to be really partial and biased, as I review my words, but again: what was really going on during this whole time? Were people trying to help Doris enough, on all parts? I think that she was shielded from a lot of it. Also, she was getting forgetful, so that might have been a saving grace in her last months alive. She is free from such cares now, and we are grateful that she is with God.

    Grand-child # 5 - The youngest of the five, living close by and working in a good earning job. I am not aware that he and his spouse have had any negative dealings in the whole matter.

What was going on in 2021 with all these people? Was it all on my dad who made it untenable to deal with Doris for the other family members? Were people doing their best to reach out to and support her? Was Doris' husband perpetuating a negative cycle of communication and relations?

I am convinced it did not have to be this bad, this last time of her life. It caused a lot of heartache and consternation. For me it still does. I hope it can go away or abate. Some.

    I will read William Faulkner with newfound attention and appreciation. The complications, emotions, and impacts of these family and human relationships will move on to others in the future. Faulkner saw into these things, undoubtedly why his works are considered of such high quality.

Understanding the human condition and spirit, one human life and death at a time.

More People, including myself, in Part 4