Salvador Ramos' Parents

Ramos was 18 years old when he entered Robb Elementary and brutally murdered 19 children and two adult students. He was legally an adult, so the onus of culpability lies on him. However, I started thinking about his parents and what that relationship had to do with the state of their son. I read an article talking to the father, also named Salvador, who sounded like he was no great example or help in the development of his son. The mother also seemed estranged.

What a shame.

Perhaps one could argue that the son was a big enough problem psychologically and socially that the natural parents were not able to be much of a good influence on him, but I see a pattern here that things were not good with his folks, and obviously one grandmother that he shot in the face (she has survived) prior to the massacre.

As a father of young adults and teenagers, an uncle of dozens of nieces and nephews, I feel that I have a responsibility to be involved in their lives as a positive influence, chiming in on their lives, even their social media. I am not always a popular voice within the platforms, but I let them know that I care. I am also a member of my faith where we look after each other, to various degrees, and I look forward to waging my influence on youth within and beyond my congregation. We need to be invested in our youth.

The Sandy Hook, CT killer was a 20 year-old whose mother was about to send him to an institution for mental issues, back in 2012. The father did not seem to be a part of his life. We can check that. The Parkland shooter in Florida was also 18 or 19 when he went on his high school rampage. His parental relationship was very poor, I remember. Some other parents tried to help, intervene, and support him, yet his troubled issues boiled over and went sideways.

There is no perfect solution to helping our youth and the rest of the adult population be law abiding citizens. I do think that in some cases marijuana and other drugs can distort peoples' brains and behavior, which some people think is not an issue.

How many of these active shooters used marijuana, and how much did this chemical affect their thinking? Is there no connection? I cannot rule that out as a factor until proven otherwise. Prove me wrong: I think that THC warps some minds in pretty pernicious ways. I have some anecdotal reasons to think this, but I think there is scientific fact that can back that assertion up.

One more personal note: I attended a funeral of an 81 year-old this last month. I remember when I was about 15 years old a friend of mine who was 16 getting into a heated argument with him, and I probably did not know what to do about it. I observed the exchange, was shocked or surprised by it, and I kept it to myself.

All these years later, (36?), I saw that as a forewarning or foreshadowing of things to come. That 16 year-old went on to become an addict of drugs, although to his credit he did not really start abusing drugs until maybe his 40s. Although, some argue that he was dependent on health behavior drugs like Adderol or other chemical treatment, perhaps since before he was 10.

 I don't know. I do not have the answers. 

I pray that us parents can do as much as we can to stay close to our children, even as they are adults. I see my wife and other good parents doing this, and we will not stop being parents or friends, counselors, helpers. 

We have a responsibility on the next generation and beyond. We as parents have taken it upon ourselves to help our kids get their undergraduate degrees. College degrees are not the answer to everything, I am not sure that is necessary for all. But we as parents have obligations to help and assist our youth be educated, good citizens, and productive members of society.

It is not easy. I know mental illness affects many; I know of personal instances where it has become an issue to people within the closer connections that I have. 

There is no silver bullet to solve all these issues. That metaphor is a sad one, because bullets have become problematic in the lives of so many, especially Uvalde, Texas, and dozens of other places in the U.S. and elsewhere.

God bless us this Memorial Day weekend, and may we all be more aware of how to be good parents and friends, even to the troubled ones.

I pray that the Ramos parents can have some closure in regards to the life and death of their son. I also hope that the rest of us can take note and do things to avoid such terrible outcomes.