Social and Emotional Distances, Patterns of Behavior with Friendships

Social and Emotional Distances, Patterns of Behavior

    Opening with a side note. I have been reading the best-selling author James Patterson's memoir; I find it very entertaining, but more instructive or inspiring, inspirational. He talks about the need to write, and actually writing. He has a talent for creating stories, and he has a had great success in writing and sharing many books. Some have become movies, of which he is not verry happy. That is a chapter that he shares that I very much appreciate. I have had a now five-decade history of writing things that do not go as far as I would like them to go. But, I am hopeful that things could change. An old school mate said this past year that I have things to share. Yes, this is true. Or, at minimum, I have things to write, for at least myself. But I think that others could benefit from what I create in prose and even poetry.

    James Patterson grew up hungry to create, with real issues of need, and still is humble enough to recognize that life is a great mystery and work, but worth chronicling.

    I get that. I have had both the need to write and actually writing, but much less of the latter. I am grateful that I can do these things: write, blog, share.

    I was thinking about how I have become distanced from many family members and friends over the years. With me, perhaps like many others, it is a consistent pattern.

    Physical distance is a part of it. But I think there are emotional, spiritual, sociological ways that it occurs. I want to analyze that a bit more.

__________

    Many of the names involved of friends and family that I have grown distanced from I will not share. But I will share a few.

    I will mention Ian Noyes. Ian and I were best friends for maybe three years. Or two. Even after his mother re-married Ed Lambeth and moved across town, Ian and I would have play dates and sleep overs. We stayed connected as friends for another year or two. Or three. But he moved on again, I think, and then the connection was ruptured. His sister, who I knew decently when she lived two doors away, was a distant memory as I went to Ian's house in Parkridge East, a few neighborhoods away. We were separated by the early 1980s. I thought that we did have a strong bond. Even today I feel like I would like to reconnect with him as a friends. But probably not him so much. There were distinct times when I hurt him physically, or another time when I was mean to him by hiding from him with an older friend-visitor to my house.

    Ian probably does not have the happier connection or memory of me towards him that I think might be. He may look back at me as a friend and see the negative. Yes, I had been less than great as a friend through those years. Sometimes. But I thought it was overall a positive relationship. Now defunct.

    I tried to reach out to two people by that name a few years ago (maybe 2015) by Facebook. Neither Ian Noyes responded. (There were two that I found).

    I know that many other old friends to not respond right away or at all via Messenger or other social apps or emails, texts, whatever. Others that I do connect with may flare up, but it often does not go far.

    Distances. Ruptures. Disconnections.

    I became distanced from elementary school mates in middle school. Then more of them in high school. I went on a two-year mission overseas, and perhaps I became an irreparable distant or former friend of the cousin that I had been closest to, and perhaps further from one of my siblings. Snail mail was the thing, old fashion letters. No emails, let alone texts or other social media.

    Then again, maybe social media connections may have separated a lot of us more than ever.

    Sports connections, like books.

    I have stayed connected to certain sports and teams over the years, like I follow or stay connected to some authors and writers, or artists, which is not dependent on them reciprocating with me personally.

    Are these easy, or lazy, relationships? Perhaps.

    It is hard to maintain friendships and relationships.

    Easier to maintain things on their own non-personal or non-human terms, like library books, collections, dogs or cats, or machines and equipment. 

    Friendships and relationships can be painful, complicated, unrequited, messy. Of course they can bring us the most joy and happiness as well.

    Yep.

That is it for now. I wanted to give some more examples of strained friendships and relationships, but that will do.