What I Would Like to Say

    Hello. Me here. Some of you have known me for a while.

    I like to think I am steady, that I am strong, that I am dependable, that you can trust me.

    I can be all of those things in given moments and times of my life. The life that you, many or some of you, have shared with me. I thank you for sharing so much of it with me.

    Yet, I realize that I can be less than all those things, and I can consistently be a no show. Too often I come up short.

    I am sorry. I apologize that I cannot be as present and as there for you as I should be.

    I can withdraw and disappear. I can be the guy not to volunteer to be with you and them, when really, I should prioritize you and them. My best friend. My child. My family. My neighbor. My friend. I feel bad that I have missed so many opportunities to be there. With you. And listen. And share.

    I see that these moments are fleeting, and many times, too often, I have been elsewhere. My own fantasies, my own selfish whims and sometimes obsessions, have taken the place of the more valuable times with family, friends, and being with people that we are attached to. I have taken for granted too much. Too much. I have been another child of the house, not leading or loving properly. That is not right.

    I am too old for that. I should be too smart for that. But I pray I am not too late to the party. The last stages of the show can be better. There were some lulls and lapses in a lot of scenes.

    I am late or absent too much. I can be better; I should do better. Ask me to try, remind me to improve.

    I can. I can be more present. I can participate more. 

    But it is not on you. It is not for you to be the better fix here. It is on me and God. We, me and Him, can make things right, can restore and restitute things as they can be. You can help too, of course. I think you always do. We can be a team, and I can be more present and observant and caring.

    I have woken up from something, or some things, and I am different. A new me? Sort of, yes. More present, more observant. More aware, more cautious. More appreciative of what I have and what I should care about. Whom I should care about, and who truly cares about me.

    Why do I write this? Not all the truth should be aired, but I believe that this is where I want to be: out in the open and speaking to those that can hear me, including my Creator and all my loved ones, and perhaps a few of my somewhat enemies. We want less enemies, more friends. And we want our friends to be closer. Better. Friendlier.

 

    I want to be friendlier. Better. Closer to you. I want to talk with you. Not at you. I wish to listen to you. I want to walk with you. Hike. Swim. Bike. Travel. Camp. Sleep. Dream.

    Live. I want to live with you. I want to die with you. Many years from now, granted.

    Thanks for the time that you have shared with me. Thank you for being who you are, and all that you have done independent of me and all that you have shared in dependence, not necessarily co-dependent, related and in coordination to me. With me.

    Thanks for being who you are, where you are, what you do, how you are to me and others.

    Thank you. Thanks for giving me more chances. Thanks for letting me part of your life and continue to grow with you.

    Together. 

    I will say it: forever. That is the plan that I plan on. 

    I am ready. I am willing. And I will always love and cherish you. Nothing changes that for me.

    I may not show it well, but that is who and what I am.

    Anything from you?

    I'll put the pen down and listen.