Coming Up Short - Going the Distance

    A poem about life.

   

    I realize I come up short

    I see and feel the reminders real time

    In rejections

    In failures

    In stumbles

    In falls and tumbles

    In misses

    In errors and faults.

    All those things, and a few things more.

    Comments, looks, avoidances, evaluations.

    They can be added up and can take a toll.

    The ego and the psyche can be wary and run down

    So much to absorb.

    Sometimes overwhelming to ingest.

    Death is hard, sure. Some accuse me of thinking of those who have passed too much,

    Guilty (I am) that I think of them, yes, and I wonder, I expostulate.

    The dead are still with me.

    Most of them never go away. 

    I keep them near and far.

    As for the living, there is plenty of heartache and sorrow.

    Not that the good and joyous do not abound, either.

    I think the good and happy largely outweighs the bad and the painful.

    We can be hopeful and optimistic, we should be.

    Yet we learn new things at later ages.

    A few haunting and harrowing facts.

    A close family member was attacked, physically and intimately, a few years ago.

    I learned of it just now.

    Another close family was not satisfied in their relationship,

    Finding comfort in another's path.

    It should have been me.

    

    I was absent.

    I was not there enough.

    I was wrapped up in my own meanderings and pursuits.

    Not present for that one.

    The one I vowed to give to, to share with, to be there for.

    I failed consistently.

    Aware but unaware.

    Clueless of my surroundings.

    Selfish, and not helping. 

    Not giving, not sharing.

    Not sharing enough.

    Oh, what lowly beings we can be and become!

    Where is the sense that should be delivered upon our heads and hearts?

    Where is the trust and the bond and the love?

    Absent, too often, missing, forsaken. Forgotten, abandoned.

    I left my loved ones, me absent-minded, selfishly seeking elsewhere.

    Coming up short.

    I am sorry. 

    

    I must be present. 

    I must share.

    I must care more.

    I must improve.

    I must complete my tasks better,

    I must and I must continue stronger.

    Not faster, not overwhelmingly powerful.

    But solid full.

    If it is God, and Jesus, with them fully.

    If it is with others of other holy names, with them, too.

    Commit to the texts, commit to the prayers.

    Sing the songs of life, the songs of joy and redemption.

    We must go the distance.

    I want you there with me.

    I am sorry I slacked; I am aware I was unaware.

    I want to be with you.

    Let me stay by you.

    I will listen to your words.

    I will share what you are.

    We will make it the distance.

    I must do better.

    I must right these wrongs.

    There are many ways to succeed and advance, progress.

    Yet there are always many ways to err and fail.

    Life is choices, living presents priorities.

    I know we all can reach our goals.

    Our hopes.

    Our dreams.

    Our best selves.

    You and me.

    The family.

    Together and unafraid.

    Together and giving

    Sharing,

    Caring.

    Preparing.

    Daring to be present.

    And alive.

    And aware.

    I love you.

    I have come up short.

    I will be there 

    For you.

    For me.

    For God.

    For all.

    And, again,

    I recognize my weaknesses.

    I can do better.

    I will go this distance.

    For all of us.

    And you can stay with me

    We will make it together.

    Be happy, and free. and rejoicing.

    All the way there.