Patrick Tillman Remembered, Going on 17 years...

Patrick Tillman Remembered, Going on 17 years...

Celebrity means something when you give everything. He did.

Tillman represents my generation, represents my country, and represents my humanity for many reasons. Allow me to explain, because I am deeper than the average person, in my opinion, and I believe posthumous Corporal Tillman was deeper than average, too. Hence, some 'splainin' to do.

 

[This section added 1 September 2020: I have thought over these comments of "deep" or "deeper" for a few weeks, and I wanted to to qualify my language better than that. A lot of people are deep and have profound sentiments and feelings, but what maybe I wanted to say about Tillman and me, if I may, is that we might be considered complex, or conflicted. There are parts of us that push us in different ways, and I think that does a better job than saying that we are "deep" or "deeper" or anything else more or less than any other person. Each person has his or her conflicts, and in the end I believe that I identify with a few of those pushes and pulls.

 

I think that is a good caveat. I hope that makes sense.] 

The attacks of September 11, 2001, rocked our worlds in the United States for a few reasons. Guys like Pat (I met one former Ranger in 2012 who knew him, and that guy opined to me personally that Tillman was a jerk and too cocky and arrogant) and I were shaken and awoken by the acts and consequences. Pat was about 25 back then, I was 30; the Towers fell and the Pentagon burned and the heroes of Shanksville, Pennsylvania crashed to their brave deaths.  It got us all thinking in new and grim, but perhaps stoic and realistic ways. Who did this? Why? What should I do?

He was newly married that warm September, I was too. I had a new born, I was just starting graduate school at a prestigious university; Tillman was making really good money and making a bigger name for himself in the NFL. He lived in Arizona and I in California.

He was a celebrity because he was celebrated by millions. Thus his words, and then deeds, had a larger than life impact on me and a few million others. Some of us probably took it to heart more than others; I believe I did. He finished up his "modest" season contract in early 2002 (he had a counter offer for many more millions the previous summer but chose to stay in Phoenix with the Cardinals), and joined the U.S. Army with his brother, another professional athlete, to be a Ranger, the elite of American Special Forces. You can research his words. The following are mine.

My parents and grandparents and on back did not serve directly in combat like Tillman's apparently did. My dad and step-father were in the military, but did not engage in combat. I guess Tillman's had fought and seen danger. Either way, we both felt like we owed our nation, and we were both grateful to our literal forefathers and heritages with what we had. He acted right away, it tool a little longer for me to come into the Army.

In 2001-2 I thought that I would serve my country back then by getting smarter, more educated, more titled (graduate degree in Latin American Studies), and become a diplomat in the United States Department of State, assisting in bringing nations and enemies to peace in a role as an official power broker, speaking languages like Spanish and Arabic, and even Portuguese. I tried to take the U.S. State Department's (foreign service) entrance exam five years in a row; I never made it past the second round of interviews. I went on to flounder with my Master's as far as those international designs, then I joined the military two and half years after Pat's death.

His passing made an impact on me at the time,  I would argue later and even now, 16 plus years later; it does not matter to me whether his death was friendly fire or hostile. It also does not matter to me if he had a huge attitude about himself, or if some mistakenly think of him as bloodthirsty. He was not, by the way. He was kind to those who were around him, from all reports. He was not bent on killing. Regardless, the moment that I found out that he had died in April of 2004 in some far flung province of Afghanistan, I was changed.

My wife was very pregnant in April 2004; like our first baby who was a daughter, we waited till the actual birth to know what gender our child was. With less than two months before her eventual birth, I decided pretty resolutely that if the baby were a boy he would have the middle name Tillman. It made sense to me, it was decent and more importantly an honorable name. Nothing against girls and their names, but I wanted this person's name to be remembered down the road. Is he worth remembering? Well, for starters, almost all the soldiers and marines are worth remembering.

What about this guy?

Why was he a hero and why was he celebrated? Because he was a millionaire athlete; but, unlike so many others, he was a raw patriot and man of action. He was transparent and real. He was humble despite his superiority. He was who millions of the rest of us rooted for and celebrated. He was all about doing, where many or most of us cannot, or did not. He submitted to the nation's military system because he felt he was paying back those that he owed. He believed that he could help the United States bring people to justice and make a difference.

It required a tremendous act of courage and heroism, no question. His wife and family also gave for it. Foolish? Some might think so or say so. So was Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King, and Florence Nightingale and Harriet Tubman. Foolish heroes, all of them. So, too, were the three young men lynched in the deep South trying to bring justice to Emmitt Till. So was John Lewis for getting beaten on the Edmund Pettus Bridge.

Foolish men and women. Putting themselves in harm's way. Some of them were knocked down by bullets and never got up. Crispus Attacks in a snow ball fight in Boston, well back in 1775 or so.

Foolish American iconic heroes.

Pat Tillman, we named our first born son in 2006 after you. And, I swore in with the Army 6 months later. There is a back story to that, which has to do with me and the wars, and my faith and things... I am still signed up, a decade and a half later. I went to Afghanistan 5 years after I swore allegiance in 2007. Returned safely a year after that.

And the rest, all these years later, I read your book about you, Mr. Tillman, and the conditions of your demise, plus the surroundings of the greater world, according to John Krakauer; not just the selected chapters that I did in the local Target merchandise store back in 2010 or so, but the whole enchilada. I very much enjoyed it, coupled with simultaneous readings of Lawrence Wright (ISIS) and Hopkins and Sugerman (Jim Morrison and the Doors), and many other articles and reports of 2020....

Tillman, I have been to your USO House in Bagram, a place for rest and relaxation, right by the air field in Panjshir Province; I have spent my hours and days there. I have been to some Afghan provinces, not the one you went to and died, after spreading your influence with fellow soldiers and local children and villagers. You shared money and radios, you did more peacekeeping than shooting.

It has been narrowed down to three soldiers that believe that they might have shot you. Krakauer in his 2009 book thinks it was Adler with the .249 SAW; Elliot in 2014 admitted that it was likely him with the larger caliber .240.  We may never know and ultimately it does not matter, because three guys in the same HUMVEE aimed at him, meaning to hit him. One of them did, after shooting and killing the Afghan ally.

It's all water under the bridge, as they say. Closure for the loved ones is harder to come by, I get it.

Closure for those who lost rank or status is also heavy. The mission was botched by officers up top, that is more than certain. The Army mechanic misdiagnosed a broken solenoid in the dead HHMMWW, not a faulty fuel pump as he tried to fix for most of the day.

Two serials were separated, only one with a .50 cal ensconced in the turret. A local Afghan "jinga" truck was used to tow the disabled HUMMER in the truck that was supposed to go to the paved Ring Road, MSR whatever to recover that piece of equipment.

Two missions were stupidly conflated to get done at the wrong time, (daytime), and then despite the complaints of better minded leaders on the ground and at Camp Salerno Base, the mission moved on.

Pat died. Stupid circumstances, the soldiers who shot and shot at him were scared, were in the wrong... But ultimately were trying to do the right thing. Save themselves, save their buddies, neutralize the enemy, serve their country, move onward and upward.

Like Pat Tillman.

God rest your soul, Patrick, even though I never met you and you do not, nor did you not in life believe in the God that I believe will restore all as it should be and bring you back to your loved ones.

I celebrate you, we celebrate you, you are an eternal celebrity and a hero.

You lived and died trying to do the right thing; you left a lot of energy, integrity, bravery, and virtue in your wake.

Thanks John Krakauer and all others who have done their research to bring your stories and inspirations to life.

Tillman symbolized a lot; I have really only touched on a few things as to why that matters.

I hope that we all understand them a bit more now. America? Bastion of freedom or oppressor?

We must all be the judge of those things, and make choices everyday to go forward or retreat.

Some of us will never give up, and some of us will die trying.

(Originally published Tuesday Aug. 4, 2020)