Victims and the Victimized

Victims and the Victimized

I will address you like I know you. Because maybe I do already know you. I think I do know you, actually. Perhaps I have known you for a long time. No one can completely know another person; even to know himself or herself totally, completely, is not feasible. But I know me and I know you enough to say some things that should make sense and be helpful. The people that I am addressing I know and I don't know, either way, but the same message should apply to either.

Maybe you were me a while ago, or maybe I will be you some day. A victim. Meaning, we are not the same person, but maybe I have been a victim, like you. Maybe someday I will be victimized. It can happen, it will happen, to some degree or another, to all of us. To each of us, to varying degrees, we are victimized.

It happens to us, victimization: individually, as pairs, as groups and families, as neighborhoods, as congregations, as larger communities of cities and regions, nations and planets.

But mostly I speak of victimhood now, to the individual. To you.

There is a difference between being a victim and being a target of abuse.

A victim can be from a one time affair, while an abused person has the repeated habit of being victimized.

Either one can have significant issues from these effects, a one time trauma or a continuous abuse, causing scars that do not heal well. A one time victimization can be enough to cause a lasting mental trauma that will not go away. Certainly abuse will have this effect. It all depends.

There are many types of victimization:

• Physical
• Emotional
• Mental
• Spiritual
• Criminal 
• Financial
• Societal
• Religious
• Governmental
• Political
• Social
• Paternal
• Maternal
• Fraternal
• Spousal
• Academic
• Work
• Accident
• Illness
• Death
• Torture
• Violence
• Fill in the blank

Any one of these types of offense or another act by one of these means may cause the victim to receive a trauma that the victim will remember, to varying degrees. Some forget about the offense and move on. Others have a hard time not forgetting it; are traumatized by the offense, and it affects them physically or mentally, or otherwise, to a perpetual detriment. Others may remember it when triggered by different stimuli.

Whatever caused this plight of making you a victim, be it big or small, I am not trying to rehash it to pick at a sore wound; I am not trying to make the scar stand out and embarrass or discomfit you.

I am communicating, sending this message, that it is was a bad thing that happened but it is okay, and somewhat healthy, to know that someone or something victimized you, and that it is okay, even good, to reflect on that offense, acknowledge it, and realize and understand that one should move on but that there are effects left over, that may affect you still, and others than just you. Accept that.

We go on to try to avoid those types of offenses in the future, moving on, having learned, at times very sadly, but significantly. And others who know of it deal with it too, sometimes worse for them in empathy, sympathy, or some other feeling of connection than that of the original victim.

Thus victimization is not just a two way affair, especially when known by others. When felt by others connected to you.

How many people know what happened? Why did they hear about it or learn about it?

It's good to share offenses with the proper people. Fear and distrust are natural. Self loathing can occur too, which is not good.

Sometimes we share the crimes of offenses with the wrong people, inappropriate for different reasons.

That happens. Sometimes we, as a victim, do not know how or when or to whom to share the grievance. Victims can be confused, even more than normal. That is completely normal.

That's okay, it happens.

In the end you have to know who to trust.

Do you trust yourself with this offense? Do you trust others?

Are you afraid? Of course you are, you were the victim. You do not want to be doubly victimized by sharing the original offense.

I get it.

Think about this, and learn, and grow, and learn how to trust yourself and others. It's good to review and share it, to not let it traumatize and be double- or triple-victimized.

That's enough for now.

I love you, I trust you, as far as I can trust and respect you, and no one is perfect. Certainly not me.

But you can trust me.

I have been there, in ways, and things happen where we are victimized. You, me, me, you, us; it happens.

And such is life. C'est la vie; that is no banal cliche.