25 Years Since 2000 - Hits and Misses. Mostly Hits

2000. We met. We talked. We hung out. We kissed at your mom's resort hot tub area at night in the steamy hot desert. Movie moment! We dated, we shared, we met each other's families. I proposed, you accepted. We got married, had a sweet honeymoon, even got bumped on the way back to facilitate another trip to Mexico by the end of the year. We went back and you were pregnant. Not the easiest vacation, as such, but it worked.

2001. We had a baby, as I was finishing my second year of teaching high school. We applied to five graduate schools, and one took me. We went there, with baby in tow. We moved our belongings about 75 miles with a small U-Haul truck. Los Angeles close to the beach was tremendous. The baby waxed strong and grew. We tried to make her bilingual. But Spanish was always a thing between us, if not easily transferred to the kids.

2002. A full year in L.A. We took a couple side trips down to Mexico. Perhaps some car trouble. Some headaches, but mostly good times and memories. Like matching shiny watches at La Bufadora. Near Ensenada.

2003. We finished school, took a trip into the mountains of the Sierra Nevadas. You lit a fire with the cigarette lighter of our Ford Taurus. A campfire in the snow. Always industrious, creative. Like the clothing lines in the hotel bathrooms of Mexico City. We left the big city and returned to San Berdu, but we attended the Spanish branch. Choices enable consequences. Callings came, babies awaited.

2004. Another year at Mom's. The youngest sister returned from Spain. Baby number two arrived! The oldest would go to some local day care, but then the whopper of a calling came. Branch President. Presidente de Rama. Habia bastante gente alla. Asi fue. Jen cared for the two small girls. We helped pay small house bills but we saved a lot toward the future with little rent.

2005. Wow, is this getting long? It is only five years in! But, the hits do keep coming.  We flew down to Chile, and six months later returned, with some adventures in between. Nothing too great or too powerful, but we had some really good experiences. Angol was a sweet place to get to know the people. Vina had some nice earrings, which may have been lost at a recent graduation... 2005 was grand... 

2005. Flights to Chile! 

 Twenty-Five Years

    Poetry or prose?

    It is hard to decide. Poetry can hit the notes, become songs and music.

    Prose can lull some folks to sleep. But it may be worth undertaking.

    What else to say, from our time together?

    Babies. Amazing. Each time, each one. How can we negate the power and purpose of creating life, and bringing them here, and raising them in our homes? At times I was gone, many times you did the hardest work. You became steeled to do things independently, as if I were not there. Which did happen.

    But in the case of our family, I was somewhere doing some work, in those extended absences, and the funds were made available to continue on. If I was less present while in the home, then I certainly recognize that you were always the rock and the standard. I do not take it for granted.

    You were always the hard worker, the one who sacrificed of time and body for them, for me, for us.

    Amazing, this life nurturer, you gave and gave, and many times were exhausted. You freed up time for me to do other things. Physical exercise is one small thing. You allowed me to wander and roam, doing non-essential things, many times, and played the role of the constant source of accountability and stewardship. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, homework, booking, planning, all the things. Driving. Oh, and of course: handling the paperwork and paying the bills! As you are doing today.

    Did I help enough? Not likely. I helped here and there, but I was not the husband and father that I should have been. I do not blame you for feeling exhausted. Tired. Fed up. For periods money would be tighter, and we had to scrimp and save. You began working, (more, because you normally did odd jobs and work while a full-time mom), and you subsidized the income of the family.

    You made it possible for the children to have their colleges and missions paid for.

    I was there, pushing along. You were the dynamo; I admire and respect you for so much!

    Always kind, always sharing, always in full bore.

    Always beautiful and courageous.

    Accepting of my messes and my neurotic tendencies. Military duties and headaches, and some heartbreaks.

    What else to say, now, my love?

    Wow. I am in your debt. I forever owe you, and perhaps I cannot pay it back? I will try. I want to be able to let you play, let you rest, allow you to explore, enjoy the fruits of our labors.

    I want to enjoy you as you are now 25 years in as this incredible friend of confidence and trust. The most amazing and wondrous person, that I was lucky once and since accepted me, took me in.

    Did I deserve it? Did I deserve you? Maybe not. Do we deserve anything?

    God blesses us, he tries us, as life is about trials. He gave you to me, and I to you.

    Will you accept me? Can you take me in again?

    Can I win or re-win your love?

    I must, I will go about doing what I can. I will work and pray to have you forever, if that is what you can learn to accommodate.

    25 years. I thought of making a list of the virtues, and some vicissitudes, year by year, calendar by calendar. But I believe I spelled it out above. The sum of it all hopefully outweighs the detractors, the debits. If not, I certainly have my work and destiny to do as I can, as I may, as I will.

    And we can be joyful and happy. And in love, as friends and mates.

    I love you! Forever! ("You better!").

    Happy June. Happy 25 years. Is another quarter century in the offing?

    I continue to dream, and hope. I will work for it. I will work to give you what you need and deserve.

    

 Sadness and Mourning

    We talked a little about these things lately.

    We can feel sad, but not too depressed. That is normal.

    We can mourn for things or people lost. Friendships changed or altered. Jobs or careers that do not turn out as planned. Pains or hurts accrued or that pierce into our souls.

    And what of jealousy and envy? Yes, those strong feelings can be too strong.

    We cannot allow them to enter too much into our hearts and minds.

    All the books and all the plays, the songs of forlorn love, the stories and anecdotes of feelings requited and non, the pathos and drama.

    We know it as we live.

    I can tell you a few tales.

 Hard Times - Writing and Thinking and Feeling

    I could explain a few things about my hard times. It has been harder for a while for me to write, and read, and perhaps do a few other things that I normally would like to do.

    Job searching, change in career plans, health problems, relationship issues. It isn't that bad, though! I have all my fingers, all my toes. I still maintain all my major organs and faculties. I still have my wife and family. Things could be much worse, granted.

    To put my own plight into perspective, there are those around the world who face war, starvation, and all types of serious trials and polemics. I still have some employment, my family is still staying on top of things, financially and socially.

    But, it is safe for me to say that there have been some hard times.

    And writing about these things is healthy, I presume. Whether others pay attention or not, at least I am accounting for a few things during this time period. Recognizing, acknowledging, that life can be a bit bitter and sour, or hard to grapple with. 

    It could be so much worse! 

    Self-doubts creep in, bruises and blows to my ego, my financial plan, my family goals, my personal objectives. 

    Is God at the helm? I have been praying more. I have been reading more scriptures. He is at the helm, he is in charge. Jesus knows and loves me, as he does others, even though many times we as a people have to face very tough struggles and problems.

    Wealthy people dying of cancer! Even the poor. Folks dying of floods in West Virginia and Texas.

    Yes, I and we could have it much worse. But, things have been hard enough for me. And us.

    I will remain grateful for what I still have. To God should go the glory.

 My Second Daughter

    It came up at dinner last night that I "never" talk about this one, that I usually only talk about the first and eldest daughter. Not number two! What? Blog about the second daughter? Give her praises, and elegize how cool and wonderful that she is? If I do not mention her in my blogs that much, as maybe compared to more attentions given to the eldest of my offspring, then is that an issue?

    Well, blogging is a part of my life and discussion, but it is not everything. Other things happen that I never blog about.

    Baseball is everything. Right?

    No, just kidding. That was another complaint that came up last night. Too much blogging and writing about baseball. Sure. But in retrospect I am glad that football and basketball were not mentioned as being overwritten and hyper-talked about.

    Too much baseball, I get it. But too much of the others? Okay, speaking of too much:

    There is too much of a dearth of things written about my second eldest, who is a wonderful person, for sure.

    I suggested that those of us who believe in heavenly mother sometimes theorize that we do not hear a lot of talk a lot about her because she is so sacred, we do not want her name in the mouth of all us filthy, unrighteous, profaning children gallivanting across and through the earth and seas.

    Yeah, that's why.

    So, should I break so many years of blogging tradition and write about her? She merits it, for sure. Where to start?

    She merits it, of course! However, I do not want to share too much, as things should stay private.

    That said, a few thoughts and memories.

    Baseball! 

    I took her older sister and her to a minor league baseball game where we saw the wunderkind Bryce Harper and the Buffalo Wilson Ramos getting rehabilitated for the majors. We had a pleasant time together, us three, but the real party started when the game was ending and my daughters, especially the second, got her groove going in the stands! She was busting a move, so happy and exuberant!

    Great memory. Me, she, and the oldest (okay, she was there, too), were having a good time as dad and daughters.

    She is now 21. She is fluent in a key foreign language, and she loves it. Have I had a special date with her? I did, before she went to college in Idaho.  We walked near the D.C. wharf, we shared some good food, I wore some sandals that kind of hurt me, with severe chaffing, but we still had a good time. We drove by the Georgetown district... I learned a lesson about new sandals with no socks. I believe I wrote a stigmata piece about her! Yes! I have written about her! Related to Jesus, of all people and things.

    It was hard to get time with her the last summer before she went off to college. Then we had her before she went on her church mission. That was fun.

    And now she is back! Yes! She does temple work, she does missionary work, she shares love and cheer wherever she goes.

    And now, this little blurb and memory does not compensate for all the other past blog posts that I did not mention her. I always had her in mind, though! 

    She is great! She is wunderbar! She is all the Turkish words, especially the good ones!

    Yes! Evet!

    Okay, more later.